State of Timelessness

Posted in personal with tags , , on September 10, 2009 by Cristina

Idon’t know if you have noticed that people don’t wear watches as much anymore. I think cell phones, and what not make them kind of unnecessary.

Still, I’m one of those who DO wear them. As far as I remember I’ve always had one. So to me, wearing a watch is as important as say, wear shoes. It’s probably because of routine, but there’s something comforting about always being aware of the time. Plus, have you seen how useful a watch can be if you ever get lost in a jungle?! Not that I have plans of going to a jungle, but it’s good to be prepared, don’t you think?

Anyway, on Saturday morning, my mom woke me up. Now, I’m not under any circumstances a morning person –and I’m definitely not on my brightest early, so when she came in proclaiming the end of sleep I just did the automatic: groan, turn over, and lift of arm to see watch. And it read five something.

Outrage! No one should be up that early. The sun is not even out! It should be illegal! I made it like that to the shower –mumbling and cursing all the way about the blasphemous morning and the damned early risers. When I got out and was back on my room, a little more awake but still aggravated, my eyes fell on my alarm clock. Those big red numbers spelled “8:27 AM”. That shocked me quite a bit prompting my brain to jump start the production of thoughts. Of course, there weren’t all clear, or smart, but –had I been more than 3 hours on the shower? Really?! I didn’t know hot water would last that long! Why didn’t anyone—

That’s when it occurred to me to look at my watch to find “5:18” and the little thin second hand wasn’t moving. Oh Oooooh. My watch had died. So it WASN’T that early…

So now I’m timeless. Well sort of since I borrowed my sister’s watch. But I find it kind of creepy. The actual watch it’s pretty, and it’s usually quiet, but every once in a while, at completely random moments it starts ticking really loud. The other day, I was lounging on the sofa reading, my sister sitting opposite me reading too, when it started ticking.

TICK. TICK. TICK.

Me: Does it always do that?

Sis: what? Me: The ticking, it’s creepy.

Sis: It’s supposed to be creepy. It’s ticking away your life.

Me: …

TICK. TICK. TICK.

I want my watch back. But it’ll have to wait until I have money to buy it batteries. In the mean time, I gotta run to class cuz life’s ticking

Getting Lost

Posted in personal, school with tags , , on August 29, 2009 by Cristina

 This week I returned to classes. And let me just say this: I’m lacking sleep already!!

Anyway, on first day I was at the library with my sister and she was telling me about her day.

Sis: …and guess what?!! I spotted a freshman!

Me: you what?

Sis: yeah, I recognized a freshman, I feel so old now!

Me: how do you know it was a freshman?

Sis: Well, the girl was walking really slow, had one of those big colored maps they give you at orientation, and her eyes were huge and darted everywhere. She just looked totally lost and a bit scared. Freshmen get lost. We can find our classes just fine. So how was your day?

Me: *mumbles*

Sis: huh?

Me: I got lost.

Sis: *laughs* did you sit down to watch people to figure out how to get into the building like that one time?!

Me: no. *glares*

I can’t believe she remembers that incident.

See, on my first semester of college, I took an insanely hard math class that I didn’t understand and wasn’t even probably my correct level**. So I struggled. I was so lost that when the instructor told us about a tutoring thing the math department offered, I immediately decided to check it. I was THAT desperate.

The only problem? I couldn’t find the place.

Oh I found the building alright, I mean it’s on the MAP! No, the hard part was finding a way INTO the building.

Yes, yes, at this point you might be questioning WHY college would let me IN on the first place if I can manage to miss a door, and let me tell you –you are not the first one to question that. But on my defence I can only say that math overloaded my little brain and that the door WAS kind of hidden.

The C building sits tucked between buildings A and B on a complex next to the library. It’s a building where classes aren’t held at, but is home instead to floors and floors of long hallways full of tiny tiny offices. Walking with building A to your right, rounding a boxy thing and going down a ramp you can find a small dark lobby that takes you to the first floor. This is where it got tricky to me. The tutors were on the fourth level, but as much as I looked I didn’t find any stairs, or elevator, or magic carpet or anything to take me there. So I went back outside and circled the building a couple of times thinking there might be another way. I even walked THROUGH the boxy thing, which is a room where directly in front of the door you came in you find ANOTHER door that takes you outside to the door leading to the lobby.

At this point, any other person would have probably asked someone where were the stairs. But it was me. So I –and I now know it wasn’t the smartest thing– sat infront of building C to observe how people got to the upper levels.

I sat there for like an hour,.after which I concluded that since people went in and out of the boxy thing, it might be more than originally thougtht. So I approached it with a critical eye. I opened the door, and saw the other door, and was confused for a moment, except that time I also looked to the SIDES and saw…

TWO elevators!

I’ll add that yesterday, as I walked to building B I noticed some white letters painted on the boxy thing. They spelled “ELEVATORS”

But hey, I’m there to LEARN.

 

 

**but SAT’s scores said otherwise. Damn all that guessing

Wired

Posted in musings, school with tags , , , on August 16, 2009 by Cristina

I’m feeling a mixture of alarm and excitement about the impending return to school.

One would think that after so many years of schooling I would already have learned the drill. But I can’t help it. Every beginning of term I become a little bouncy ball of nerves and thrill that fantasizes about the upcoming semester.

I blame years and years of back to school ads.

Back in the day, like in primary school*, the beginning of school inherently meant getting a fresh set of colored pencils to replace the ones I broke/lost, new uniforms that weren’t permanently stained, knee socks that actually stayed on my knees, notebooks with the paste still attached, and books that weren’t completely doodled on! Agony was the time I had to wait since all this was bought until the beginning school. My fingers itched with impatience to use them!**

So, fast forwarding to the present, I think my brain got wired to expect a new set of colored pencils and to be eager for school to start.

 

 

Of course, the whole experience has sort of de-sparkled a bit by the fact that it now also means I have to buy hella expensive books, and this semester in particular to pay for a raised tuition.

But still. I can’t wait for school!

 

*okay I admit, if we consider it’s not THAT way back as it seems to me.

**of course, self-history says the rush lasted about a week.

Micah

Posted in books, musings with tags , , on August 11, 2009 by Cristina

 

There has been some talk lately about covers. And among other things that has sort of brought me to think about how I imagine characters on books.

I confess that when I read the sample bits of Justine Larbalestier’s Liar I thought Micah was white.

Oops!

So I read the excerpts again and, you know, Justine does a great job describing stuff! So the fact that I overrode what she wrote tells you a lot more about my default imaginings of characters than anything else.

And let me tell you, I can’t wait to get my little eager hands on that book!

But anyway, I came back from reading the bits with an urge to draw Micah.

So I did.

and if you sort of squint…

 micahsketch

Criticisms

Posted in musings, school with tags , , on August 9, 2009 by Cristina

I have read one or two things about how to handle criticisms of your work –mostly from authors talking about books, but you know –same feeling.

I actually don’t have a problem with people giving me criticisms. Okay. Okay. Lets be honest, sometimes I do when they are totally negative, or personal, but hey who likes to be told “you suck!”? Anyway, I’m an art student, and people seeing and judging what I do is part of the package. Hell, it’s part of class. It’s how I learn. If I couldn’t take it, then I would long be gone from the art department [let‘s forget a moment here my double majoring thing]. The thing is that I’ve learned and accepted that you can’t please everyone, and that sometimes negative reviews can bring up excellent points.

No. The [my] problem here is when you have to give criticisms to OTHERS. I’ve heard the most difficult thing is to self-criticize and analyze what works and what doesn’t with your own stuff. And sometimes that’s true. It’s too easy to hear what your mom says and believe your are a GENIUS! And that your work is a MASTERPIECE! But most of the time I’m a harsh self judge [and cuz she is my mom –I don’t believe her praise. Sorry Mom!].

But criticizing others… man, that’s difficult. I’ve gotten somehow used to do it in class. It’s something we all have to do, and that we don’t [try to] take personally. But what about when friends ask you to revise their work? And I’m not just talking art here, for some weird reason people ask me to look at projects, essays, novels, you name it. There’s usually no problem when they are good. Or when they just need some editing and polishing, BUT when they SUCK with a capital S is there a way to say it nicely? I’m of the belief that, no matter what you do, to be good you have to practice. So I advise that. That You suck? Well, keep trying! But somehow that message sounds mean –even when I try whatever means to make it less so.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen people have their dreams get crushed by a harsh critic [not my doing, I swear!], but I fear the moment I become a dream crusher. Yeah, I worry about that stuff. I mean, should I tell them the truth so they can potentially make it better? Or would that hurt them? Should I just lie? And that’s not taking into account the insecurities about my qualifications –I’m NOT qualified!. I mean what if I’m wrong?! What if I tell them they suck [as nicely as possible, of course] and I’m WRONG? Oh Questions, questions! The truth is …sometimes [most of the time] I moderate my comments depending on the person.

Does that make me a wuss? Probably.

We Grow Up

Posted in musings, personal with tags , , , , on August 3, 2009 by Cristina

There is no other event that makes you realize quite so abruptly that you are not a kid anymore as a wedding — especially your friend’s wedding.

This weekend one of my closest friends got married.

I mean SHE got MARRIED!!!

Yes, it has been almost a week and I’m still sort in shock about it. My friend got MARRIED! And it’s not like they suddenly decided to do it. No! this was something that had been carefully planned for MONTHS. I mean, they were engaged for a bit more than two years, so this was definitely not a surprise or a reckless and sudden decision. But still, you know? My friend got MARRIED!

I wonder if every time a friend of mine marries I’ll be this shocked. I know I was shocked the last time a friend got married. And the one before that. And the one before. And… the other 4 friends before that?!!!!

O.o

hmmm…
If I actually think about it, I’m probably more shocked by the fact that they are my friends –my age and getting married– than the actual marriage thing. I mean, I’m not anywhere near that commitment. No where at all. And I don’t actually want to be. I’m like too immature. But I suppose that’s my decision. And that’s theirs. And everyone has their own idea of how life should be. I think I’m too young to be married. But you know, as long as they are sure about their decisions and those decisions make them happy, there’s nothing else for me to do, except support them and be happy for them too.

Anyway, I think I’m sort of making this thing about me, when I didn’t intended it. Seriously.

Soooo… My friend got MARRIED!!

The wedding was some beautiful affair. It was small, with just close friends and family in attendance, and it was rather quick, but I suspect that the fact that it was a non-religious wedding in Las Vegas might have had something to do with it… My friend just glowed –she radiated happiness– as she walked down the isle accompanied by both of her parents. Her white dress fitted perfectly to her petite figure and her dark hair complemented her milk chocolate eyes. Her smile as wide as I have ever seen. She was perfect. The groom looked handsome in his dark suit. He grinned like crazy the entire time. It was all really sweet.

Then the reception was also quite good, it had excellent food and even better company. You could watch the newly married couple steal glances at each other, and then look away and softly giggle. It was really beautiful. Maybe… just maybe, someday I’ll be ready for that. In the mean time, it makes me happy to see those two totally happy and in love.

On moments like this, when I look back to high school where we met and see now how far my friends have gone, I realize that maybe we have grown up. It’s awesome that we can do it together.

The only thing that’s left to say is [my friend got MARRIED!] that I give them my Best Wishes.

😀

Billboards

Posted in musings, personal with tags , , on August 2, 2009 by Cristina
If you ever been to Las Vegas most likely than not you might have encountered billboards. You might probably then have noticed that most of those are about strip clubs, money loans, or jail bonds, and even more to the point they contain almost naked people. It’s one of those things that once you live here you stop noticing.
But today, as I drove by a place I pass by so often it’s almost routine I couldn’t help noticing a new billboard. No, it didn’t have any naked people on it. In fact, I noticed it because it had that one painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware. Next to it, on the right side, it said “By George, we did it!” and then below it, it said “Leadership: pass it on” –or something like that.

So for some reason it stuck with me, and I been thinking about it since then.

About what the ad really means.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize I don‘t understand it.

At first I understood it to say that leadership was something to share, like something you can achieve and then help someone achieve it too. Only, I don’t know, but I don’t think leadership is something you can actually transfer. Like I think you can teach a person leadership skills, but ultimately it is something that each person has to acquire and decide to have. And anyway, I don’t think everyone can or should be a leader. I just don’t think it’s viable. Mind, that’s not saying people should just follow like sheep. I definitely think you should question your leaders…

And then, once I sort of thought more about it, I wondered what it mean to “pass it on”. Like, is it saying you should let leadership up to others? Like pass up the opportunity to lead? Is it saying you shouldn’t be up for leadership?

What is this billboard trying to say?

Anyway, I’m probably over thinking this thing just because it hasn’t been long since I’ve heard people say they are in “leadership” positions when they are just actually an RA… but still

I digress. So I’m going to stop writing. But I’m still WTF about it.